Let's listen to some more stories

Another round of listening to women's personal stories this week brought some new thoughts and perspectives to the attention of my mind. Becky and Jere are two people I really love and respect, as well as have be able to get to know on a personal basis. Monday night though allowed me to get to know them even more as they shared some personal experiences that have really affected who they are.
Becky's story was really impactful to me, as she described the hard times she has faced with the church. I connect with her hurt feelings, as honestly the church has hurt my family and I in different ways, but evoked the same type of response as it evoked in Becky. It's part of the reason I want to join the administration side of a church, to help prevent those feelings of hurt coming from a church. Instead, encouraging positive feelings to those who are part of the body is something I feel really passionate about. I really admire Becky's heart and passion for God, as well as her determination to continue with the calling God has given her in the capacity that man allows her to fulfill. I heard in her words a sense of determination, mixed with hurt, that I admire.
Jere was terrific, but I wanted to share some thoughts I had after listening to the last person speak. She mentioned a lot about the differences between men and women, something different than the main core of anything I have heard in this class so far. I've heard a lot about how men and women are equal and can do the same things, but she pointed out differences. If there are differences, which I agree there are, it's the beauty of God's Creation, how do those differences affect women in society and in the church? Should they? Or should they be ignored?

Living the life of the future today.

Shauna Niequest speaks honestly and from the heart in her book, “Bitterweet”. I enjoyed reading this book greatly, she had such great ideas and insight into everyday situations. It is great to read stories about real life and how hard times can be, but it is even better to see how she handles the situations in ways that are glorifying to God. This story of Shauna’s life has brought courage, confidence, and light to my life, I now know that if will not always be a fairytale and that you will have to work at the things in life that really matter.

I personally have not gone through many of the things that Shauna talks about in her book because they are mostly about life after college and being married. But it is so interesting to hear about and to better understand what it means to live a life that doesn’t include homework. It brought so much light to the situation for me, that life really will not get easier after school, that other things come up that are just as much work and if not even more work. But that the work is worth whatever you are striving for in the end whether it be a better relationship with your spouse, spiritual life, or everyday tasks. Some parts of Shauna’s journey were similar to mine in that I hope to do many of the things that she has done in her life. One story in particular stuck out to me, it was about staying in contact with her girlfriends from college and how they made the effort to spend a weekend away together intentionally spending time together. I pray that when I graduate from college that my friends and I will follow the model that these ladies have set before us. I hope that one day when we all have little children like Shauna and her girls that we too will bring them and share life together just like the old times. This is so important to me because these relationships we are forming in college are so tight, deep, and truly special that if I had to give them up after graduating I would be devastated. Yes, there will be many people that we will loose contact with but the ones who truly were there and that we made deep connections with will share in the commitment to continue a relationship later in life.

Being a woman influenced Shauna’s writing in many ways, mostly through her life experiences. She spoke a lot about being a mother and wife. These experiences and positions that she chose to be and was also asked to be shaped her into the women she is and also what her everyday looked like. She painted the picture of what real life looks like to be married and to have a child while also balancing sanity. Shauna also talked many times about her struggles which included many instances which only women can face such as; miscarriage, being a wife, and the desire to compare herself to other women her age different than herself. It was interesting for me to gain insight into an older woman’s life and see what it is truly like for her. To see that she too struggles with things and that these struggles will not go away any time soon for me. This opens my eyes to see that I need to stop ignoring them or waiting for them to go away because they really aren’t going to. I need to find a way to get a handle on my struggles so that I can learn ways to become better and not be as susceptible to falling into the same traps again and again throughout my life’s journey.

I would recommend this book to other women, or girls who want to gain insight into real life. To see what it means for a woman and how even the simplest things can become a struggle. Shauna illustrates that despite these daily trials it is possible to persevere and live a life that brings glory to God and love to those around her. This is a lesson that every person needs to learn. We all could use a story that shows us how to live in this way and how it can help get us through the hard times. If we turn to Jesus in our times of hardships then He will help us through them. My favorite part of this story is just the inspiration that it gives me to live my life today, and not live for the future. Yes, I need to prepare myself for the woman, wife, and mother that I will become later in my life but I should begin to live my life as if I were coming closer to that woman with every decision that I make. That I would be happy with the decisions that I am making right now if I looked back to this time in my life. I am so thankful for great role models such as Shauna who can bring light to what living life should truly look like for a woman of God.

Patriarchs and hierachies

This last class, Sarah brought in three female speakers to share their spiritual journey as women. I greatly enjoyed this. They each taught me and inspired me, moved me.

Discrimination. Big word. Becky used it. I haven't really used discrimination and women in the same sentence before. Interesting. I can't describe more than that.

Their testimonies reminded me how hard it was to be a woman in a man's world. One of them, Beth, was actually a electrician, usually a man's job, cool!

I hope their journeys continue to inspire many women to come, and maybe some men too!

Wonderful women, inspiring stories!

The part of the class I've enjoyed the most thus far has been all the amazing personal stories we've been able to listen to. Each of them is so unique, so personal, so clear in that God's redemptive story works itself out in an individual way through each of us. That's a hopeful and affirming thought...it's good to be different...and it's good to be the same.

Anyway, there were a few things that really struck a chord with me tonight. The first was Jere said that she hadn't felt acute discrimination, even though it was there. That's how I feel, too. And I feel like this class and some of the conversations I've had a result of it have encouraged me to feel discriminated. And I don't think that's right. I have grown up in a patriarchal home and I've never felt limited. The buck stops with Dad at the Fakkema house, but he is the first to affirm women in ministry and leaderships roles; he would never tell me I couldn't do something.

Another thing that Jere said that made lots of sense to me was that the Holy Spirit is the "mom" of the trinity. For some reason, I don't know why, I have always thought of Jesus as a male, God as a Father, and the Holy Spirit as an "it." Because how can you put a spirit into a gender box...but when I start thinking about it that way, thinking of God as a male is the same thing. However, when I pray the Lord's prayer, I am praying to God the Father Almighty. So until that changes, I'm comfortable relating to God as a man. If somebody else wants to think of God as neither male nor female or as female, I'm fine with that, too. But when I pray, I'm praying to a Father.

Women Interview!

I had a conversation with a family friend Janette Woodard. She has been my best friend’s mom for all of his life (☺) so I have known her for many years. She has been a Christian for a large majority of her life and as long as I have known her. She mentioned that her parents have been Christian her whole life, but she considers that she started her walk with Christ around nine years old, once she was able to comprehend. Her church background consists of her attending a small-medium sized church (200ish people) her whole life in Salem, Oregon. It’s an Assembly of God denomination outside of the city.
She described her faith as a roller coast journey, one that doesn’t bring you back to the start, yet gives you plenty of opportunities to get off, but really only remembering the high points. It’s a dualistic ride, one that is extremely fast yet in the moment it’s like watching a slug. Specifics weren’t discussed in our time, but she briefly mentioned high points that caused her to view God in ways she never imagined, yet with low points that specific thoughts have been forgotten yet the lessons have stuck with her.
I was interested in her journey with Christ, but to be honest I was more interested in her journey with the Church, as she is a women and this class is about women. So that is what we discussed for a large part of our conversation. Janette knows that God doesn’t ‘view’ men any different then women, besides the differences that God created between them on a completely equal way, but she has noticed that over time the Church has viewed women differently. Her experience has been that her church has had men be in charge of the major decisions, while the women have been the ones making everything go. It’s the women that have been involved in child care, it’s the women who have been involved in the cooking for potlucks, and it’s been the women who have put together the music for the congregation. Her experienced has showed the men are the ones that do the spiritual teaching when it comes to the congregation as a whole, whether it be the Sunday Services or the small group Bible studies. The only teaching women have done is the small group women Bible studies, which meets every Thursday morning, as a woman leads that group.
Her perspective about this is that this happens because you sure don’t want the men taking care of the kids or cooking the food because then no one would enjoy themselves! She was joking, but I caught a bit of truth in her joke. It has been common for a long time that men don’t know how to cook or properly take care of children, where women have for a long time. On a serious note, she mentioned she doesn’t necessarily feel limited, because she doesn’t need a stage to teach, she can communicate with others in a variety of other ways, but it is interesting to her that there hasn’t been a woman leader in her experience. She argued that just because men have had the microphone doesn’t mean that women aren’t heard. It is common for people in her church to reach out to women for help, as they are known for the listening ability as well as their wisdom. She has had a large number of people come up to her for advice and she has been able to ‘preach’ to them in that manner. I asked her if she would want a microphone and she said no, she doesn’t want her persona to be one of power and influence, more of the natural influence that she has now. She mentioned that she could imagine there being women though wanting the microphone, feeling the calling to be on stage and preach in that manner. That possibility is completely alright with her and she encourages though who feel that passion, yet knows that it is a big issue in the Church.
There was a lot we discussed, too much to include in this paper, but the general sense I had from the conversation is that she is perfectly content in her role in her church, yet recognizes other women may not be as content as she is. She recognizes male dominance in the Church, but in a way laughs at them as she thinks the real influence is what happens outside of a service, through personal communication and worship together. That is where she feels the important stuff happens.

The race of life

I believe that we as the younger generation of the church have much to learn from the older, more spiritually wise men and women in the church family. It is important to listen to what they have to say and what they have gone through because a lifetime serving Christ looks differently for each person and in a lifetime there is a lot to have been learned. In order to get a better perspective of what it is like for a woman in the church older than myself I interviewed my mom about what her experience has been like in the church. Because I did question my mom, I know a lot of background that surround the questions and can understand better the situations she describes as spiritual experiences and such because I was there with her through most of it.

My mom described her current spiritual journey as strong with times of weakness but always knowing that Jesus will show her new ways to grow and will answer her doubts in time as well. This is so true in almost everyone’s life I think even if they admit it or not. Everyone is going to experience times of highs and lows but part of having faith is knowing that despite where you are in your life you will be held up by the love of Christ. This is what pushes me through hard times and makes me want to become a better person each day as well.

When I began to ask my mom about how she became a Christian and how faith found her she laughed a little looking back at the memories of how she came to know Christ as her Savior. My mom was not raised in a Christian home many of her family members were alcoholics and spent their time smoking and drinking rather than showing their children the way in which they should live their lives. Despite this upbringing my mom never fell into the trap of alcohol and was brought to church by one of her friends in high school who herself was struggling from brain cancer. After the service they prayed for here friend to be healed and a week later she was miraculously cancer free! After seeing this my mom could not stay away form a God who had such compassion that he would help a suffering girl in her time of need. She knew she was missing out on a great relationship with a caring and compassionate God. So a few weeks later my mom went back to that church with her friend and came into contact with church members who were rude and many people who spoke in tongues. This was a huge turning point for her she was scared and angered that people who would serve this great God would be so rude and she was just scared of the speaking in tongues all together so she stopped going to church all together. It wasn’t until she met my dad that she returned to her interest and finally decided to live her life for Christ. Since this time my parents have obviously married and had my brother and I. There have been many struggles for our family and times that have stretched my mom’s faith and made it stronger as well but all of these experiences have only reaffirmed her desire to live a life of faith.

After we spoke about her life experiences with faith and Christianity I asked her what she thought about men and women and their differences in the church. Also I asked her about her opinion of women in leadership positions in the church. She first spoke about how men were created in the image of god and women was created in the image of man so thus they will be different. She also talked about how women are not less spiritual just created differently than men. She believes that if Eve hadn’t made the decisions that she had someone else would have come around to make that same mistake and we would still be in the same place we are today. According to her beliefs this was all a part of God’s plan and that no matter who it was making the mistake it would have been done and we would still have been in this same place of living in sin daily. As far as women in leadership go my mom believes that women should not be head or lead pastors in the church. She is fully supportive of women being involved in the church, she is the worship leader at our church at home and there is no problem with women speaking their opinions or having a voice in the church, she thinks it is important that they do. At our church we have men in leadership roles and they are especially careful to respect and listen to the voices and needs of the women in the church. This creates an environment that everyone feels heard and that follows biblical truths. Her perspective is probably a lot of the reason why I came into this class thinking the same way as her. I thought this way exactly but now having been informed of so much and looking deeper into what the passages are truly saying I am in a grey area. I don’t really know what the right or correct answer is to this question. But I do know that if I continue to seek advice from those older and with more life experience than me and also seek God’s will through His word I will eventually find a level of understanding. I will not ever understand completely but will know more of what God’s will for this subject is. Overall, I am so grateful to have people in my life that I can look to for answers and opinions that have been running the race of life a bit longer than myself and know the course better than me. It is comforting to know that at my age I do not have to have the answer to every question but that I should be searching relentlessly until I come to a place that is closer to the answer than when I began the race.

It's a Journey...

I talked to my Oma (dutch for Grandma) today about her spiritual journey and I was so glad that I did :) She grew up in the worst part of Seattle in a horrible house with a mother who pretended she wasn't there...except when she needed chores done or a babysitter. Her first experience with Jesus was as a preschooler. She was riding her tricycle on the sidewalk outside the apartment building when the pastor of the missions church that met downstairs invited her to Sunday School. She accepted and attended off and on for years. As a teenager, God brought a Christian family into her life that paid for her to go to a Christian school for a year and in eighth grade she dedicated her life to Jesus. The Orthodox Presbyterian church she attended disbanded but the pastor recommended she try the Christian Reformed church because it was the most doctrinally similar. So she did and met my Opa (dutch for Grandpa) in the process. A bonus of marrying my Opa was his wonderful family and the first real "mom" she'd ever had. Her first "milestone" was when her mother-in-law died. She'd been an amazing spiritual mentor to Oma. The second "milestone" came shortly after (and wouldn't have happened had great-grandma not died) when Oma and Opa packed up their three little boys (all 6 and under) and move across the country to New York. For the first time they had to find their own church, make their own friends, and figure out their family faith on their own.

My Oma lives by a simple motto: J-O-Y. Jesus, others, yourself. I've always known it because she really does live it. She and Opa have it down - if you come to family dinner, there are always widows and orphans and the door is always open. Oma said that,at this point in her walk, she feels confident that Jesus comes first (not that's she's perfect, but that He is routinely the first priority). And now the hard part is putting others in front of herself - especially when it involves giving up family opportunities to serve somewhere else.

My Oma is extremely reformed and extremely conservative. Our denomination has a very open attitude towards women in leadership - women can be pastors. Oma thinks they are too lenient. She thinks that men and women are equal in God's eyes - that he loves us the same and salvation is the same for both - but she does believe we have been created for different (not better or worse or less or more) roles. She does concede that she's not sure where the line should be drawn for women in leadership and she understands the role that the Fall played in the flawed gender relationships. When I asked her about her image of God, she said he was definitely a man. This was her response, "When I pray the Lord's prayer and I pray 'My Father who art in Heaven...' I am praying to a He...not a unisex spirit." And while I think she may have been a little sassy, she's got a point. I've certainly always thought of God as a man and it's never felt like a hindrance to my spiritual life, but that's also the culture in which I've been raised. It is hard for Oma to reconcile a relational headship (in which she firmly believes) with women in leadership roles in the church. She views the church as Christ's bride in the most traditional way. In her family the "Buck Stops Here" role is absolutely Opa's - and that's biblical. She think that women in leadership take away jobs that men need to do - we step in and take control way more often than we should.

Coming from a very successful woman (she has a graduate degree and has been a principal, school district superintendent, and had various other administrative roles), I have to stop and consider what she says. When I asked Oma if she'd ever felt limited in her church experience she laughed and said, "No! I've always felt that I've been allowed to do too much!"