Our final meeting. =(

Was rewarding. I've heard negative things about coed friendships, things like "They always end in a crush," or "In a relationship." Not true. I have seen and been a part of coed friendships. Heck my best friend is a guy. He has helped me through so much. One of the girls in the class brought one of her guy friends from high school who was interested in Fox. He brought up a valid point. He said girls were an emotional support, because guys wouldn't provide that. Guys don't make their feelings known because apparently it isn't manly. However most girls emotionally support each other, and so they are like that when the opportunity presents itself with guys. But sometimes it can also be a curse. My best friend likes to handle his problems alone, so it can be hard for me to understand it.

But at the same time, he understands me. He understands my need for companionship and that I need to talk it out when I am uber upset. And he feels no shame in doing so. As we pointed out, Adam needed Eve. If men didn't need to draw some kind of relationship with women, why was Eve even created? Out of all things, created from a man's rib! We spiritually provide for each other, and use our differences in gender to do so.

Besides, I'm a bit of a tomboy. I swear most of my friends are guys!!! I shall miss you WITB people and class!

Not so angry conversations with a book club

I could not put this book down. I felt an almost immediate attraction to the main character attracted as in she was relatable to my own experience. Not only that, the idea that she went to couples therapy with God seemed silly but interesting at the same time. My only problems: Rudy’s role, Susan’s interpretation of God, Jesus as wimpy and the idea of God leaving her. Even after talking about it, I don’t see what role he really played. I agreed he was a good kind of counselor, one that listened and gave his opinion with the option to take it with a grain of salt. But, he couldn’t hear God speak in Susan, and even if she told him, it just feels strange. I would guess he would be mediating between them. Just seems odd.

As for Susan’s interpretations of the trinity, God is sarcastic, and Jesus is “wimpy”. I didn’t see Jesus as wimpy from what I read, I pictured Him like I do in real life. Gentle, strong, and loving. Not that God isn’t also like that, but Jesus was sent down to save us from sin, and to be a guide, sharing and showing God’s grace. Then again I am not Susan. I just really didn’t like the sarcastic God. I mean, sure, He has sarcasm because we got all His qualities (but not divine qualities), but I never took Him to be that sarcastic. But then again, as we discussed in the book club, people with troublesome fathers tend to associate their qualities with God. Her father cussed and thought down on himself and his situation. It made living for Susan hard. What I also don’t understand is why God “left” her. I get that He wasn’t happy with the choices she made, and how she saw Him and His Son. But it’s just weird.

I know He leaves us, but He doesn’t actually leave us. And if He does, I feel like it is not that long. I can’t help thinking that even though she wanted Him to say, not to be rude, but she didn’t desire it hard enough. I also would think that her opinion of Him, though I may not be God or Jesus, seemed like a silly reason to leave her. . I know there have been days I haven’t heard His voice, but it was for my own good. God can do all, but we have work to do as well. That is why He doesn’t do everything for us. If He didn’t, we wouldn’t learn our lesson. Life would be easy, and we wouldn’t need Him after a while.

But what drew me to this book was not only interested in her journey, but how much alike we where, despite the differences in our situations. I noticed this during our book club. We both have not liked who we were. We both were looking for a church that didn’t condemn, feels like home and that was spiritually uplifting. We both like to act. We both felt relationships with men would boost our confidence. We both have had disease ruin our lives. It was a positive and negative experience for me. Negative because I had come to a realization of what I didn’t like with myself and struggle with. It was positive because I knew what I needed to change. It, like Susan, has been a long and rough road. Unfortunately I feel I haven’t gotten far. I just recently sunk into Depression, which for so long I have been trying to avoid. I never saw myself as pretty, I sometimes still think I’m fat. True I didn’t become bulimic like she did, but it was comforting to know I wasn’t alone.

Wedding Bells

Marriage is such an interesting topic to me. So many people have views and opinions on it, even those who haven't experienced it yet. People can talk for days, weeks, or dedicate their careers to studying the construct of a man and a woman becoming one. Personally, I enjoy how talked about marriage is and I think it's important. Class on Monday was very intriguing to me, being able to hear about the marriage of two people I respect as well as two people I didn't know.
Our talk on Ephesians 5 was great, it was a topic I really wanted to learn about and am glad we got to cover it. I again am perplexed how the dominant translation in our culture is no what was originally intended, but the only way to change that is to do what I can to help people find the true meaning of the text.
Stephanie and Rusty's marriage is one that I trust and respect. Sure, they are not perfect, but I don't think there is such a thing, which makes marriage so great (speaking as if I know, which I don't, I'm not married). Through their sharing though, I could sense the true love and true respect they had for each other. They knew each others strengths and weaknesses, yet they didn't condemn their weaknesses but instead uplifted, honored, learned from and enjoyed each others strengths while keeping in mind the weaknesses. Neither seemed dominant in the household, but instead they were in sink with each other, truly becoming one.
Marriage is something that I can't wait to be a part of. I'm not trying to rush it and have all the patience in the world, but I do think God has instilled a certain passion to be married and I can't wait to carry that passion out. In the mean time, I'll sit back and learn from others experiences!

The Princess Complex

Two weeks ago, we studied gender roles. What makes a Christian man, what makes a Christian woman. We were also challenged. There were many different eye opening answers and questions that made us think. I was surprised how many shared my opinions. There were so many different ones at the same time, ones that I wish I knew where the reasoning came from.

I don't know whether or not to read Captivated and Wild at Heart. In class, I was not liking the idea, but reading the others' blogs, maybe...

And as for the wanting Prince charming, I fit that Princess Complex, I want to find that, but also, that's a fairytale. I watched too much Disney growing up... hahaha.

Love and Marriage

The first thing I would like to discuss from last class is the video we watched. I felt like the couple didn't answer the question, they just went around it. I also wasn't satisfied that he said if he stayed at home, the kids would be different. That is quite true, but what does that have to do if a dad should or should not be stay-at-home dad?

Also, I feel blessed that the two married couples came and shared their experiences. It was uplifting to know that they respected each other, and it didn't seem like the women were the stereotypical domestic slaves in the kitchen. The thing that struck me most is that you need to be confident in yourself before you can be in a real relationship. I've always struggled with that. It's hard after many years of it. Everyone keeps bringing that up, and it's good cause that would be a benefit when I'm more confident, depressing because I've been that way all my life. And true, you should be confident before the relationship, not having it make you completely confident. But yet, when you find someone, you should be allowed to be more confident because you were able to find love. And sometimes it takes two special people to compliment each other.

Unique Opportunities.

Last nights class was so great! I love hearing stories from people who have journeyed farther in life than I have myself. Through hearing from Abby and Michael, and Rusty and Stephanie I have learned a lot of things about what marriage will look like and even more about what it will not. My favorite aspect that I took away from the discussion was that each relationship is unique and that there is no perfect formula that will yield an amazing relationship. Every person is different and when combined there are multiple different directions their lives could go in. I have found through this activity that there are a few aspects of the relationships modeled before me that I want in my own relationship but also others that I know I do not want present in my future relationship. If there was an egalitarian/hierarchical spectrum I think I would be closer to the middle but on the egalitarian side for sure. I think that making decisions together is so important, and also realizing that you are weak in some areas that your partner will be stronger in then using them to help in those situations. Working out of your weaknesses and strengths together and growing together is what makes the relationship so beautiful and amazing. I am in awe of how much Christ can be shown through relationships and that by showing grace we are being Jesus to the person. I can not wait until I have the opportunity to grow significantly in this specific way through relationship but at the same time I understand that if I am faithful and loving to those around me now God will bless me by giving me even more in the future to be faithful with and loving to.

Girl Meets God

Book Club: Girl Meets God
How do you connect with this particular spiritual journey? What about your own spiritual journey is similar and different?

Her spiritual journey was a story that I was able to connect with on a variety of levels, but I think the over all take away message was something I connected with the most. I viewed her journey as trying to find her faith on her own, while at the same time using the influences of a majority of people around her to help her on her journey. That’s how my journey has been, with spirituality as well as life. I remember my parents being baptized, so I haven’t been raised in a Christian family my whole life. Due to that, my parents are on their own journey with God, while at the same time leading me. Honestly, I’ve watched them go up and down a lot in their faith, something that has bugged me growing up and still does. The point I’m getting at though is that I’ve had to go through this journey without solid people in faith to guide me. She had to go through this without the support of her parents, something that is different than me, but her journey consisted of various people inputting various ideas to get her to the point of where she is. I’ve moved a lot, connected with a lot of theology from a lot of people, some I agree with, some I don’t. I’ve seen a lot of things in church I agree with, a lot I don’t. Through it all, I am thankful that I had those experiences, just as she is.

What surprised you?
I was surprised by how much hurt she experienced from a Jewish perspective by the Christian church. Reading how much silent hates just expressed to the Jewish population is something that never crossed my mind. The story of the Crucifixion for example, as any Jewish child watches the story will go away knowing that he or she is the bad person. That is something that never crossed my mind. Being a Christian, I try to be as welcoming as possible, really loving everyone I come in contact with. How do Jew’s feel when they come to a Christian church? It’s a question that I will wrestle with.

What are some ways that the author’s gender influenced her story?
A lot of her story was about experiences, experiences in which she was a girl (and still is a girl). With that, I am not sure if I can fully understand how her gender influenced her story since I don’t share those experiences from a girl perspective. I honestly am not sure how her gender influenced her, but I know it did.

In what ways did this book expand or deepen your understand of God?
This book is something that goes along with me in my journey, which is how it has expanded my understanding of God, as it gets expanded everyday by a variety of reasons. One of the major things that have stuck in my mind is the idea of emotions and feelings on earth. There is a part in her book in which she discusses emotions on earth and it hit me, how much more will there be emotions in Heaven! Think of the good emotions in life and how much I desire those. Think how good and rich they feel! Now I think about Heaven and how much more those good emotions will feel! Ugh, I can’t wait.

What conclusions of the author’s do you tend to disagree with?
I’m not sure if I necessarily disagree with anything she wrote. It’s hard to disagree with someone’s experience and feelings, which is what a lot of the book was focused on. Her experiences do get at some points, a lot of points in which I agree with. Some questions I am left with are: How do Christians welcome others/how does the Church welcome others? What does it mean to accept Christi? Is it a one-minute decision or a life long journey? How does the church treat the Old Testament? What does the church do with the Old Testament?

In summary, I thought the book was really enjoyable. I loved reading about the different experiences she went through to get her to the point she is currently at. I’m a sucker for stories, which makes me a sucker for this book. She left me with encouragement, as well as questions that I will continue to wrestle with.

Marriage Night

I feel like I am finally beginning to grapple with what I think about complementarian vs. egalitarian relationship and marriage. I'm beginning to separate preference from actual belief. These are big issues and tough issues to deal with because people feel so emotionally attached to them and there has been a sense this entire semester that both sides are desperate for the other side to agree with them - so much so that the issue is no longer a matter of living out the gospel, but an issue of personal satisfaction and gratification (wanting the other side to admit that they are wrong). And frankly, that turns me off.

Let me expound on that a little more. Tonight when we talked about whether or not the complementarian vs. egalitarian issue was an "all or nothing" issue or whether it was an issue on a continuum. There are very few things in life that are all or nothing. And even fewer things that deal with sinful, fallen human beings are all or nothing. We are much more complicated than that - life is full of complexity and nuance, and how we approach relationship and marriage is part of that. To say that we are either completely egalitarian or completely complementarian doesn't allow room for growth or development. Ironically, it puts people (usually the people who are irate over being put in a box) into boxes. We are doing ourselves a disservice if we make the issue black and white.

To Captivate a Wild Heart

*Special entry note* From my experience with Wild at Heart, the message I took from the book as well as the message I think John was trying to get at over all was not so much just boxing in men, but to explain that men want adventure and there is a GIANT fight waiting to be fought, which is the one with the Devil. After reading the book in whole, I had a feeling of encouragement and power to really engage in my fight with the Devil, fighting with all I could, for myself as well as for all those around me. Overall, I think Wild at Heart got a bad rap in class as many people hadn't read the whole book and missed the bigger picture John was getting at.

The general guidance of our class this week stemmed around the Eldridge family books, Wild at Heart and Captivating. As both books tried to get at the heart of each gender (men and women if you were confused.. insert laugh), I think the books got at something deeper without realizing it. I'd make a case that it's not just men who want adventure, but women also. I'd make a case that it's not just women who want to be swept off their feet, but men also. As I've read each book, I finish them and completely agree. But that's what gets me, I finished Captivating and thought to myself, "Yeah! That does describe me!" Then I closed the book, saw the cover, and thought, "Crap. I'm a boy. This is a girl book."

I do think there are a lot of differences between men and women, differences that aren't supposed to be pointed out and condemned, but differences that should be celebrated. With that said however, there is a lot of similarites. Both want to be loved. Loved by God and loved by humans. Maybe even a dog also. Both want adventure. I've never meet a girl/woman who has lived a content life doing nothing. Risk, fear, a vision, all concepts that are engraved into humans. To be honest, if a girl brought me flowers home randomly one day, I'd be in love. Not so much because of my love for flowers (I do like them, just there's a lot of them. It's a sensory overload), but to see that someone cares for me and loves me. I think that would be great!

Overall, I really enjoyed Monday's class and can't wait for next Monday.

No perfect equation

This week in class I was challenged to begin thinking further how gender roles are present in my daily life. It is the truth that everyday there is something that is dominated by the presence of gender role specificity. In class we analyzed the books written by the Eldredge's, Wild at Heart and Captivating. I can tell you honestly that both books are held on my family's book shelf int he family room and I have never thought deeply about this meaning until this weeks class. I feel as that these two books give me A. something to strive to become more like, a goal to work towards and B. a better understanding of what life is like for a man. But after this week I have begun to read them much critically than ever before. I have realized these books are not the depiction of every man or woman that each person has a different story and thus a different set of feelings. Not every person is going to fit the mold of what these books cast. Even though I feel as if I can relate to the books in many ways that does not mean that they are a check list of who I should become as a woman. They can be a way to gain advice or something to use as a guide but by no means a list of how to become the perfect wife-like candidate. One thing that bothers me is that people are criticizing these books very harshly and can often times push people who do fit the population that the books speak of into feeling that they are wrong. This is awful and should by no means be happening at all. We should not be telling anyone that they are wrong in the way of their feelings, who are we to do this. There will be people who fit these molds set forth by the book then those who don't. No matter which you are you do not need to persuade that other that they are wrong or that they should be on your side. Each person was made unique and in the image of God so who are we to tell them that they should be more like us. There is not a set equation that will give the answer of a perfect man or woman because it is different for each person. Thus, we should let people who fit the gender role stereotypes live in that way and for those who feel confined or constricted by them live your own way. You are free to make your own decisions and decide on your own how to live your life.

Weekly thoughts...

I've read both Captivating and Wild at Heart before, but under very different circumstances, through a very different lens and with a quite different heart. I think there are certainly elements of truth in both books - valuable points that should be thoughtfully processed. That being said, I would never base a bible study, especially a bible study for people just beginning their study of gender roles, on these books. The reason for that being that books deceivingly simplify a complex issue

I enjoyed tonight because we're finally getting to the application part of the past 10+ weeks. That being said, we threw around a lot of ideas and opinions, but didn't draw a lot of conclusions. Perhaps that was the point, but I felt unsatisfied...perhaps by my own confusion and indecisiveness. I'm looking forward to developing the ideas we tossed around tonight over these last few weeks and seeing where they may go. I've tried to start my final paper but I still don't know how to answer some of these questions...so I think I'm going to wait a little while and listen to class discussion before diving into a personal, working theology.

Different stories same author

Last week in class we heard from a few more women as they shared their stories with us. It was so interesting to see how each woman had a different story but also to see how they all related to each other at the same time. Despite their stories differences they all had the hand of God present within them. It was evident that even if they went through different struggles or places in life or held different jobs or occupations that God used and met them exactly where they were. I am absolutely amazed by the power of our God and how he is just so wonderful and intimate with each person. I am continually being blown away by the greatness of just how big our God truly is. Each woman that shared had a completely different story but each of them talked about how they began to really see the unequal opportunities based on gender after leaving their homes. Even though they traveled different distances they each saw the inequality and felt saddened by this treatment. It was interesting to me that it took leaving their own community and joining another to realize that their home community had it all wrong. But it is so true that until you leave your normal routine and the social norms of your home community you won't be able to understand that there are other ways of doing things. It wasn't until coming to college that I realized a great deal of things about my home town, and my home church that I grew up in. But just as much as you can see what your own community is doing wrong you can also see what they are doing right. I never really had a great appreciation for many things that I grew up with in my everyday life but after leaving all those things behind I have grown to appreciate them so much more whenever I get the chance to go home and enjoy them again. I hope that sometime soon in my own life I will be able to experience another culture so that I too can really get a new view of what my community is lacking and also doing well.

Let's listen to some more stories

Another round of listening to women's personal stories this week brought some new thoughts and perspectives to the attention of my mind. Becky and Jere are two people I really love and respect, as well as have be able to get to know on a personal basis. Monday night though allowed me to get to know them even more as they shared some personal experiences that have really affected who they are.
Becky's story was really impactful to me, as she described the hard times she has faced with the church. I connect with her hurt feelings, as honestly the church has hurt my family and I in different ways, but evoked the same type of response as it evoked in Becky. It's part of the reason I want to join the administration side of a church, to help prevent those feelings of hurt coming from a church. Instead, encouraging positive feelings to those who are part of the body is something I feel really passionate about. I really admire Becky's heart and passion for God, as well as her determination to continue with the calling God has given her in the capacity that man allows her to fulfill. I heard in her words a sense of determination, mixed with hurt, that I admire.
Jere was terrific, but I wanted to share some thoughts I had after listening to the last person speak. She mentioned a lot about the differences between men and women, something different than the main core of anything I have heard in this class so far. I've heard a lot about how men and women are equal and can do the same things, but she pointed out differences. If there are differences, which I agree there are, it's the beauty of God's Creation, how do those differences affect women in society and in the church? Should they? Or should they be ignored?

Living the life of the future today.

Shauna Niequest speaks honestly and from the heart in her book, “Bitterweet”. I enjoyed reading this book greatly, she had such great ideas and insight into everyday situations. It is great to read stories about real life and how hard times can be, but it is even better to see how she handles the situations in ways that are glorifying to God. This story of Shauna’s life has brought courage, confidence, and light to my life, I now know that if will not always be a fairytale and that you will have to work at the things in life that really matter.

I personally have not gone through many of the things that Shauna talks about in her book because they are mostly about life after college and being married. But it is so interesting to hear about and to better understand what it means to live a life that doesn’t include homework. It brought so much light to the situation for me, that life really will not get easier after school, that other things come up that are just as much work and if not even more work. But that the work is worth whatever you are striving for in the end whether it be a better relationship with your spouse, spiritual life, or everyday tasks. Some parts of Shauna’s journey were similar to mine in that I hope to do many of the things that she has done in her life. One story in particular stuck out to me, it was about staying in contact with her girlfriends from college and how they made the effort to spend a weekend away together intentionally spending time together. I pray that when I graduate from college that my friends and I will follow the model that these ladies have set before us. I hope that one day when we all have little children like Shauna and her girls that we too will bring them and share life together just like the old times. This is so important to me because these relationships we are forming in college are so tight, deep, and truly special that if I had to give them up after graduating I would be devastated. Yes, there will be many people that we will loose contact with but the ones who truly were there and that we made deep connections with will share in the commitment to continue a relationship later in life.

Being a woman influenced Shauna’s writing in many ways, mostly through her life experiences. She spoke a lot about being a mother and wife. These experiences and positions that she chose to be and was also asked to be shaped her into the women she is and also what her everyday looked like. She painted the picture of what real life looks like to be married and to have a child while also balancing sanity. Shauna also talked many times about her struggles which included many instances which only women can face such as; miscarriage, being a wife, and the desire to compare herself to other women her age different than herself. It was interesting for me to gain insight into an older woman’s life and see what it is truly like for her. To see that she too struggles with things and that these struggles will not go away any time soon for me. This opens my eyes to see that I need to stop ignoring them or waiting for them to go away because they really aren’t going to. I need to find a way to get a handle on my struggles so that I can learn ways to become better and not be as susceptible to falling into the same traps again and again throughout my life’s journey.

I would recommend this book to other women, or girls who want to gain insight into real life. To see what it means for a woman and how even the simplest things can become a struggle. Shauna illustrates that despite these daily trials it is possible to persevere and live a life that brings glory to God and love to those around her. This is a lesson that every person needs to learn. We all could use a story that shows us how to live in this way and how it can help get us through the hard times. If we turn to Jesus in our times of hardships then He will help us through them. My favorite part of this story is just the inspiration that it gives me to live my life today, and not live for the future. Yes, I need to prepare myself for the woman, wife, and mother that I will become later in my life but I should begin to live my life as if I were coming closer to that woman with every decision that I make. That I would be happy with the decisions that I am making right now if I looked back to this time in my life. I am so thankful for great role models such as Shauna who can bring light to what living life should truly look like for a woman of God.

Patriarchs and hierachies

This last class, Sarah brought in three female speakers to share their spiritual journey as women. I greatly enjoyed this. They each taught me and inspired me, moved me.

Discrimination. Big word. Becky used it. I haven't really used discrimination and women in the same sentence before. Interesting. I can't describe more than that.

Their testimonies reminded me how hard it was to be a woman in a man's world. One of them, Beth, was actually a electrician, usually a man's job, cool!

I hope their journeys continue to inspire many women to come, and maybe some men too!

Wonderful women, inspiring stories!

The part of the class I've enjoyed the most thus far has been all the amazing personal stories we've been able to listen to. Each of them is so unique, so personal, so clear in that God's redemptive story works itself out in an individual way through each of us. That's a hopeful and affirming thought...it's good to be different...and it's good to be the same.

Anyway, there were a few things that really struck a chord with me tonight. The first was Jere said that she hadn't felt acute discrimination, even though it was there. That's how I feel, too. And I feel like this class and some of the conversations I've had a result of it have encouraged me to feel discriminated. And I don't think that's right. I have grown up in a patriarchal home and I've never felt limited. The buck stops with Dad at the Fakkema house, but he is the first to affirm women in ministry and leaderships roles; he would never tell me I couldn't do something.

Another thing that Jere said that made lots of sense to me was that the Holy Spirit is the "mom" of the trinity. For some reason, I don't know why, I have always thought of Jesus as a male, God as a Father, and the Holy Spirit as an "it." Because how can you put a spirit into a gender box...but when I start thinking about it that way, thinking of God as a male is the same thing. However, when I pray the Lord's prayer, I am praying to God the Father Almighty. So until that changes, I'm comfortable relating to God as a man. If somebody else wants to think of God as neither male nor female or as female, I'm fine with that, too. But when I pray, I'm praying to a Father.

Women Interview!

I had a conversation with a family friend Janette Woodard. She has been my best friend’s mom for all of his life (☺) so I have known her for many years. She has been a Christian for a large majority of her life and as long as I have known her. She mentioned that her parents have been Christian her whole life, but she considers that she started her walk with Christ around nine years old, once she was able to comprehend. Her church background consists of her attending a small-medium sized church (200ish people) her whole life in Salem, Oregon. It’s an Assembly of God denomination outside of the city.
She described her faith as a roller coast journey, one that doesn’t bring you back to the start, yet gives you plenty of opportunities to get off, but really only remembering the high points. It’s a dualistic ride, one that is extremely fast yet in the moment it’s like watching a slug. Specifics weren’t discussed in our time, but she briefly mentioned high points that caused her to view God in ways she never imagined, yet with low points that specific thoughts have been forgotten yet the lessons have stuck with her.
I was interested in her journey with Christ, but to be honest I was more interested in her journey with the Church, as she is a women and this class is about women. So that is what we discussed for a large part of our conversation. Janette knows that God doesn’t ‘view’ men any different then women, besides the differences that God created between them on a completely equal way, but she has noticed that over time the Church has viewed women differently. Her experience has been that her church has had men be in charge of the major decisions, while the women have been the ones making everything go. It’s the women that have been involved in child care, it’s the women who have been involved in the cooking for potlucks, and it’s been the women who have put together the music for the congregation. Her experienced has showed the men are the ones that do the spiritual teaching when it comes to the congregation as a whole, whether it be the Sunday Services or the small group Bible studies. The only teaching women have done is the small group women Bible studies, which meets every Thursday morning, as a woman leads that group.
Her perspective about this is that this happens because you sure don’t want the men taking care of the kids or cooking the food because then no one would enjoy themselves! She was joking, but I caught a bit of truth in her joke. It has been common for a long time that men don’t know how to cook or properly take care of children, where women have for a long time. On a serious note, she mentioned she doesn’t necessarily feel limited, because she doesn’t need a stage to teach, she can communicate with others in a variety of other ways, but it is interesting to her that there hasn’t been a woman leader in her experience. She argued that just because men have had the microphone doesn’t mean that women aren’t heard. It is common for people in her church to reach out to women for help, as they are known for the listening ability as well as their wisdom. She has had a large number of people come up to her for advice and she has been able to ‘preach’ to them in that manner. I asked her if she would want a microphone and she said no, she doesn’t want her persona to be one of power and influence, more of the natural influence that she has now. She mentioned that she could imagine there being women though wanting the microphone, feeling the calling to be on stage and preach in that manner. That possibility is completely alright with her and she encourages though who feel that passion, yet knows that it is a big issue in the Church.
There was a lot we discussed, too much to include in this paper, but the general sense I had from the conversation is that she is perfectly content in her role in her church, yet recognizes other women may not be as content as she is. She recognizes male dominance in the Church, but in a way laughs at them as she thinks the real influence is what happens outside of a service, through personal communication and worship together. That is where she feels the important stuff happens.

The race of life

I believe that we as the younger generation of the church have much to learn from the older, more spiritually wise men and women in the church family. It is important to listen to what they have to say and what they have gone through because a lifetime serving Christ looks differently for each person and in a lifetime there is a lot to have been learned. In order to get a better perspective of what it is like for a woman in the church older than myself I interviewed my mom about what her experience has been like in the church. Because I did question my mom, I know a lot of background that surround the questions and can understand better the situations she describes as spiritual experiences and such because I was there with her through most of it.

My mom described her current spiritual journey as strong with times of weakness but always knowing that Jesus will show her new ways to grow and will answer her doubts in time as well. This is so true in almost everyone’s life I think even if they admit it or not. Everyone is going to experience times of highs and lows but part of having faith is knowing that despite where you are in your life you will be held up by the love of Christ. This is what pushes me through hard times and makes me want to become a better person each day as well.

When I began to ask my mom about how she became a Christian and how faith found her she laughed a little looking back at the memories of how she came to know Christ as her Savior. My mom was not raised in a Christian home many of her family members were alcoholics and spent their time smoking and drinking rather than showing their children the way in which they should live their lives. Despite this upbringing my mom never fell into the trap of alcohol and was brought to church by one of her friends in high school who herself was struggling from brain cancer. After the service they prayed for here friend to be healed and a week later she was miraculously cancer free! After seeing this my mom could not stay away form a God who had such compassion that he would help a suffering girl in her time of need. She knew she was missing out on a great relationship with a caring and compassionate God. So a few weeks later my mom went back to that church with her friend and came into contact with church members who were rude and many people who spoke in tongues. This was a huge turning point for her she was scared and angered that people who would serve this great God would be so rude and she was just scared of the speaking in tongues all together so she stopped going to church all together. It wasn’t until she met my dad that she returned to her interest and finally decided to live her life for Christ. Since this time my parents have obviously married and had my brother and I. There have been many struggles for our family and times that have stretched my mom’s faith and made it stronger as well but all of these experiences have only reaffirmed her desire to live a life of faith.

After we spoke about her life experiences with faith and Christianity I asked her what she thought about men and women and their differences in the church. Also I asked her about her opinion of women in leadership positions in the church. She first spoke about how men were created in the image of god and women was created in the image of man so thus they will be different. She also talked about how women are not less spiritual just created differently than men. She believes that if Eve hadn’t made the decisions that she had someone else would have come around to make that same mistake and we would still be in the same place we are today. According to her beliefs this was all a part of God’s plan and that no matter who it was making the mistake it would have been done and we would still have been in this same place of living in sin daily. As far as women in leadership go my mom believes that women should not be head or lead pastors in the church. She is fully supportive of women being involved in the church, she is the worship leader at our church at home and there is no problem with women speaking their opinions or having a voice in the church, she thinks it is important that they do. At our church we have men in leadership roles and they are especially careful to respect and listen to the voices and needs of the women in the church. This creates an environment that everyone feels heard and that follows biblical truths. Her perspective is probably a lot of the reason why I came into this class thinking the same way as her. I thought this way exactly but now having been informed of so much and looking deeper into what the passages are truly saying I am in a grey area. I don’t really know what the right or correct answer is to this question. But I do know that if I continue to seek advice from those older and with more life experience than me and also seek God’s will through His word I will eventually find a level of understanding. I will not ever understand completely but will know more of what God’s will for this subject is. Overall, I am so grateful to have people in my life that I can look to for answers and opinions that have been running the race of life a bit longer than myself and know the course better than me. It is comforting to know that at my age I do not have to have the answer to every question but that I should be searching relentlessly until I come to a place that is closer to the answer than when I began the race.

It's a Journey...

I talked to my Oma (dutch for Grandma) today about her spiritual journey and I was so glad that I did :) She grew up in the worst part of Seattle in a horrible house with a mother who pretended she wasn't there...except when she needed chores done or a babysitter. Her first experience with Jesus was as a preschooler. She was riding her tricycle on the sidewalk outside the apartment building when the pastor of the missions church that met downstairs invited her to Sunday School. She accepted and attended off and on for years. As a teenager, God brought a Christian family into her life that paid for her to go to a Christian school for a year and in eighth grade she dedicated her life to Jesus. The Orthodox Presbyterian church she attended disbanded but the pastor recommended she try the Christian Reformed church because it was the most doctrinally similar. So she did and met my Opa (dutch for Grandpa) in the process. A bonus of marrying my Opa was his wonderful family and the first real "mom" she'd ever had. Her first "milestone" was when her mother-in-law died. She'd been an amazing spiritual mentor to Oma. The second "milestone" came shortly after (and wouldn't have happened had great-grandma not died) when Oma and Opa packed up their three little boys (all 6 and under) and move across the country to New York. For the first time they had to find their own church, make their own friends, and figure out their family faith on their own.

My Oma lives by a simple motto: J-O-Y. Jesus, others, yourself. I've always known it because she really does live it. She and Opa have it down - if you come to family dinner, there are always widows and orphans and the door is always open. Oma said that,at this point in her walk, she feels confident that Jesus comes first (not that's she's perfect, but that He is routinely the first priority). And now the hard part is putting others in front of herself - especially when it involves giving up family opportunities to serve somewhere else.

My Oma is extremely reformed and extremely conservative. Our denomination has a very open attitude towards women in leadership - women can be pastors. Oma thinks they are too lenient. She thinks that men and women are equal in God's eyes - that he loves us the same and salvation is the same for both - but she does believe we have been created for different (not better or worse or less or more) roles. She does concede that she's not sure where the line should be drawn for women in leadership and she understands the role that the Fall played in the flawed gender relationships. When I asked her about her image of God, she said he was definitely a man. This was her response, "When I pray the Lord's prayer and I pray 'My Father who art in Heaven...' I am praying to a He...not a unisex spirit." And while I think she may have been a little sassy, she's got a point. I've certainly always thought of God as a man and it's never felt like a hindrance to my spiritual life, but that's also the culture in which I've been raised. It is hard for Oma to reconcile a relational headship (in which she firmly believes) with women in leadership roles in the church. She views the church as Christ's bride in the most traditional way. In her family the "Buck Stops Here" role is absolutely Opa's - and that's biblical. She think that women in leadership take away jobs that men need to do - we step in and take control way more often than we should.

Coming from a very successful woman (she has a graduate degree and has been a principal, school district superintendent, and had various other administrative roles), I have to stop and consider what she says. When I asked Oma if she'd ever felt limited in her church experience she laughed and said, "No! I've always felt that I've been allowed to do too much!"

Getting into the Habit

Mother Teresa, we've all heard the name but not many of us know her journey or story. Indeed she was called to help fight poverty, but the path to getting there was tough. For example, the Church didn't like the idea of community houses in that area made by their church. They even removed her from the convent. It took much convincing and a blessing from the Archbishop for Mother Teresa to be able to be an independent nun. I find it interesting that the church was against her going to serve independently in the community. Wouldn’t they be excited to have her serve to the needy? Isn’t that what God asks us to do? I also ponder why she was the only one who wanted to do it at first. Were there no other nuns eager to get out and help the community? I guess they must have seen how hard it was for Mother Teresa to get permission. That or they were comfortable at the abbey and wanted to serve from there. She even traded her nun habit for a white sari and sandals, a traditional wear for Indian women!

Another thing I found interesting is where Mother Teresa went when she started the path to being a nun. She traveled to Ireland to join the Sisters of Loreto. She didn’t know their language and they didn’t know a whole lot of her native language either. Yet she made it through and befriended many of the nuns. I wonder what they did to communicate when there were language barriers. Not only that, how did Mother Teresa come to know the many different languages. She knew her native one, had to learn English and whatever language the Indian people spoke, and possibly other languages as well. How does one woman do it all?

Not to mention, she spent quite some time with the poor. She always seemed gentle, enduring, and followed God’s will. That takes a lot of guts and a lot of strength. When I did the research for my presentation on her, I didn’t really see much of her struggles as I read her journey of reaching out. It can’t have gone that smoothly. Yes God was with her, but everyone has times where they struggle through many things, whether big or small. But it could be we want to remember Mother Teresa for the good she did. I feel that it is necessary to know what she went through to in order to do those great things. That shows her strength, and the truth that all things worth fighting for aren’t easy. Nothing is easy.

Did she ever get their sickness? Were there more obstacles she had to face with the church? Were there times even the faithful Mother Teresa doubted God and gave into her fears? I also wonder what Mother Teresa’s family thought of her going to Ireland and being a nun. Did she keep in touch with them? Or vice versa? She probably never saw them since she left. But did they know all the things she did? Did they miss her? I wonder how important she was to her family, or how important she was to them? I’m guessing Mother Teresa, as a woman of faith, cared for her family. That would be another roadblock for people wanting to follow those kinds of paths. Not getting to see or hear from their loved ones. I personally couldn’t do that.

However many questions I have, there is no denying Mother Teresa reached out to many people, not just those of her church, convent, or the poor, but even those who’ve never met her, or don’t even live where she did. For someone to make that kind of change is remarkable and admirable. Though she may not seem to for most of those who know me, I look up to her and draw inspiration from her. I had heard about her, but little about her journey and what she did, hence why I chose to write about her!

All these other women my group talked about were also brave and extraordinary. They went through many obstacles and made many sacrifices for their faith and God’s calling for them. I admire them for that. I wish I had as much courage and strength to do the things they did. Sometimes they even took on the roles men would normally take. Most admire them because they feel that they can’t do it themselves. Yes, God wants us to serve, but there are different ways to do so. Whatever it is, we must face it, fully relying on God.