Our final meeting. =(

Was rewarding. I've heard negative things about coed friendships, things like "They always end in a crush," or "In a relationship." Not true. I have seen and been a part of coed friendships. Heck my best friend is a guy. He has helped me through so much. One of the girls in the class brought one of her guy friends from high school who was interested in Fox. He brought up a valid point. He said girls were an emotional support, because guys wouldn't provide that. Guys don't make their feelings known because apparently it isn't manly. However most girls emotionally support each other, and so they are like that when the opportunity presents itself with guys. But sometimes it can also be a curse. My best friend likes to handle his problems alone, so it can be hard for me to understand it.

But at the same time, he understands me. He understands my need for companionship and that I need to talk it out when I am uber upset. And he feels no shame in doing so. As we pointed out, Adam needed Eve. If men didn't need to draw some kind of relationship with women, why was Eve even created? Out of all things, created from a man's rib! We spiritually provide for each other, and use our differences in gender to do so.

Besides, I'm a bit of a tomboy. I swear most of my friends are guys!!! I shall miss you WITB people and class!

Not so angry conversations with a book club

I could not put this book down. I felt an almost immediate attraction to the main character attracted as in she was relatable to my own experience. Not only that, the idea that she went to couples therapy with God seemed silly but interesting at the same time. My only problems: Rudy’s role, Susan’s interpretation of God, Jesus as wimpy and the idea of God leaving her. Even after talking about it, I don’t see what role he really played. I agreed he was a good kind of counselor, one that listened and gave his opinion with the option to take it with a grain of salt. But, he couldn’t hear God speak in Susan, and even if she told him, it just feels strange. I would guess he would be mediating between them. Just seems odd.

As for Susan’s interpretations of the trinity, God is sarcastic, and Jesus is “wimpy”. I didn’t see Jesus as wimpy from what I read, I pictured Him like I do in real life. Gentle, strong, and loving. Not that God isn’t also like that, but Jesus was sent down to save us from sin, and to be a guide, sharing and showing God’s grace. Then again I am not Susan. I just really didn’t like the sarcastic God. I mean, sure, He has sarcasm because we got all His qualities (but not divine qualities), but I never took Him to be that sarcastic. But then again, as we discussed in the book club, people with troublesome fathers tend to associate their qualities with God. Her father cussed and thought down on himself and his situation. It made living for Susan hard. What I also don’t understand is why God “left” her. I get that He wasn’t happy with the choices she made, and how she saw Him and His Son. But it’s just weird.

I know He leaves us, but He doesn’t actually leave us. And if He does, I feel like it is not that long. I can’t help thinking that even though she wanted Him to say, not to be rude, but she didn’t desire it hard enough. I also would think that her opinion of Him, though I may not be God or Jesus, seemed like a silly reason to leave her. . I know there have been days I haven’t heard His voice, but it was for my own good. God can do all, but we have work to do as well. That is why He doesn’t do everything for us. If He didn’t, we wouldn’t learn our lesson. Life would be easy, and we wouldn’t need Him after a while.

But what drew me to this book was not only interested in her journey, but how much alike we where, despite the differences in our situations. I noticed this during our book club. We both have not liked who we were. We both were looking for a church that didn’t condemn, feels like home and that was spiritually uplifting. We both like to act. We both felt relationships with men would boost our confidence. We both have had disease ruin our lives. It was a positive and negative experience for me. Negative because I had come to a realization of what I didn’t like with myself and struggle with. It was positive because I knew what I needed to change. It, like Susan, has been a long and rough road. Unfortunately I feel I haven’t gotten far. I just recently sunk into Depression, which for so long I have been trying to avoid. I never saw myself as pretty, I sometimes still think I’m fat. True I didn’t become bulimic like she did, but it was comforting to know I wasn’t alone.

Wedding Bells

Marriage is such an interesting topic to me. So many people have views and opinions on it, even those who haven't experienced it yet. People can talk for days, weeks, or dedicate their careers to studying the construct of a man and a woman becoming one. Personally, I enjoy how talked about marriage is and I think it's important. Class on Monday was very intriguing to me, being able to hear about the marriage of two people I respect as well as two people I didn't know.
Our talk on Ephesians 5 was great, it was a topic I really wanted to learn about and am glad we got to cover it. I again am perplexed how the dominant translation in our culture is no what was originally intended, but the only way to change that is to do what I can to help people find the true meaning of the text.
Stephanie and Rusty's marriage is one that I trust and respect. Sure, they are not perfect, but I don't think there is such a thing, which makes marriage so great (speaking as if I know, which I don't, I'm not married). Through their sharing though, I could sense the true love and true respect they had for each other. They knew each others strengths and weaknesses, yet they didn't condemn their weaknesses but instead uplifted, honored, learned from and enjoyed each others strengths while keeping in mind the weaknesses. Neither seemed dominant in the household, but instead they were in sink with each other, truly becoming one.
Marriage is something that I can't wait to be a part of. I'm not trying to rush it and have all the patience in the world, but I do think God has instilled a certain passion to be married and I can't wait to carry that passion out. In the mean time, I'll sit back and learn from others experiences!

The Princess Complex

Two weeks ago, we studied gender roles. What makes a Christian man, what makes a Christian woman. We were also challenged. There were many different eye opening answers and questions that made us think. I was surprised how many shared my opinions. There were so many different ones at the same time, ones that I wish I knew where the reasoning came from.

I don't know whether or not to read Captivated and Wild at Heart. In class, I was not liking the idea, but reading the others' blogs, maybe...

And as for the wanting Prince charming, I fit that Princess Complex, I want to find that, but also, that's a fairytale. I watched too much Disney growing up... hahaha.

Love and Marriage

The first thing I would like to discuss from last class is the video we watched. I felt like the couple didn't answer the question, they just went around it. I also wasn't satisfied that he said if he stayed at home, the kids would be different. That is quite true, but what does that have to do if a dad should or should not be stay-at-home dad?

Also, I feel blessed that the two married couples came and shared their experiences. It was uplifting to know that they respected each other, and it didn't seem like the women were the stereotypical domestic slaves in the kitchen. The thing that struck me most is that you need to be confident in yourself before you can be in a real relationship. I've always struggled with that. It's hard after many years of it. Everyone keeps bringing that up, and it's good cause that would be a benefit when I'm more confident, depressing because I've been that way all my life. And true, you should be confident before the relationship, not having it make you completely confident. But yet, when you find someone, you should be allowed to be more confident because you were able to find love. And sometimes it takes two special people to compliment each other.

Unique Opportunities.

Last nights class was so great! I love hearing stories from people who have journeyed farther in life than I have myself. Through hearing from Abby and Michael, and Rusty and Stephanie I have learned a lot of things about what marriage will look like and even more about what it will not. My favorite aspect that I took away from the discussion was that each relationship is unique and that there is no perfect formula that will yield an amazing relationship. Every person is different and when combined there are multiple different directions their lives could go in. I have found through this activity that there are a few aspects of the relationships modeled before me that I want in my own relationship but also others that I know I do not want present in my future relationship. If there was an egalitarian/hierarchical spectrum I think I would be closer to the middle but on the egalitarian side for sure. I think that making decisions together is so important, and also realizing that you are weak in some areas that your partner will be stronger in then using them to help in those situations. Working out of your weaknesses and strengths together and growing together is what makes the relationship so beautiful and amazing. I am in awe of how much Christ can be shown through relationships and that by showing grace we are being Jesus to the person. I can not wait until I have the opportunity to grow significantly in this specific way through relationship but at the same time I understand that if I am faithful and loving to those around me now God will bless me by giving me even more in the future to be faithful with and loving to.

Girl Meets God

Book Club: Girl Meets God
How do you connect with this particular spiritual journey? What about your own spiritual journey is similar and different?

Her spiritual journey was a story that I was able to connect with on a variety of levels, but I think the over all take away message was something I connected with the most. I viewed her journey as trying to find her faith on her own, while at the same time using the influences of a majority of people around her to help her on her journey. That’s how my journey has been, with spirituality as well as life. I remember my parents being baptized, so I haven’t been raised in a Christian family my whole life. Due to that, my parents are on their own journey with God, while at the same time leading me. Honestly, I’ve watched them go up and down a lot in their faith, something that has bugged me growing up and still does. The point I’m getting at though is that I’ve had to go through this journey without solid people in faith to guide me. She had to go through this without the support of her parents, something that is different than me, but her journey consisted of various people inputting various ideas to get her to the point of where she is. I’ve moved a lot, connected with a lot of theology from a lot of people, some I agree with, some I don’t. I’ve seen a lot of things in church I agree with, a lot I don’t. Through it all, I am thankful that I had those experiences, just as she is.

What surprised you?
I was surprised by how much hurt she experienced from a Jewish perspective by the Christian church. Reading how much silent hates just expressed to the Jewish population is something that never crossed my mind. The story of the Crucifixion for example, as any Jewish child watches the story will go away knowing that he or she is the bad person. That is something that never crossed my mind. Being a Christian, I try to be as welcoming as possible, really loving everyone I come in contact with. How do Jew’s feel when they come to a Christian church? It’s a question that I will wrestle with.

What are some ways that the author’s gender influenced her story?
A lot of her story was about experiences, experiences in which she was a girl (and still is a girl). With that, I am not sure if I can fully understand how her gender influenced her story since I don’t share those experiences from a girl perspective. I honestly am not sure how her gender influenced her, but I know it did.

In what ways did this book expand or deepen your understand of God?
This book is something that goes along with me in my journey, which is how it has expanded my understanding of God, as it gets expanded everyday by a variety of reasons. One of the major things that have stuck in my mind is the idea of emotions and feelings on earth. There is a part in her book in which she discusses emotions on earth and it hit me, how much more will there be emotions in Heaven! Think of the good emotions in life and how much I desire those. Think how good and rich they feel! Now I think about Heaven and how much more those good emotions will feel! Ugh, I can’t wait.

What conclusions of the author’s do you tend to disagree with?
I’m not sure if I necessarily disagree with anything she wrote. It’s hard to disagree with someone’s experience and feelings, which is what a lot of the book was focused on. Her experiences do get at some points, a lot of points in which I agree with. Some questions I am left with are: How do Christians welcome others/how does the Church welcome others? What does it mean to accept Christi? Is it a one-minute decision or a life long journey? How does the church treat the Old Testament? What does the church do with the Old Testament?

In summary, I thought the book was really enjoyable. I loved reading about the different experiences she went through to get her to the point she is currently at. I’m a sucker for stories, which makes me a sucker for this book. She left me with encouragement, as well as questions that I will continue to wrestle with.

Marriage Night

I feel like I am finally beginning to grapple with what I think about complementarian vs. egalitarian relationship and marriage. I'm beginning to separate preference from actual belief. These are big issues and tough issues to deal with because people feel so emotionally attached to them and there has been a sense this entire semester that both sides are desperate for the other side to agree with them - so much so that the issue is no longer a matter of living out the gospel, but an issue of personal satisfaction and gratification (wanting the other side to admit that they are wrong). And frankly, that turns me off.

Let me expound on that a little more. Tonight when we talked about whether or not the complementarian vs. egalitarian issue was an "all or nothing" issue or whether it was an issue on a continuum. There are very few things in life that are all or nothing. And even fewer things that deal with sinful, fallen human beings are all or nothing. We are much more complicated than that - life is full of complexity and nuance, and how we approach relationship and marriage is part of that. To say that we are either completely egalitarian or completely complementarian doesn't allow room for growth or development. Ironically, it puts people (usually the people who are irate over being put in a box) into boxes. We are doing ourselves a disservice if we make the issue black and white.

To Captivate a Wild Heart

*Special entry note* From my experience with Wild at Heart, the message I took from the book as well as the message I think John was trying to get at over all was not so much just boxing in men, but to explain that men want adventure and there is a GIANT fight waiting to be fought, which is the one with the Devil. After reading the book in whole, I had a feeling of encouragement and power to really engage in my fight with the Devil, fighting with all I could, for myself as well as for all those around me. Overall, I think Wild at Heart got a bad rap in class as many people hadn't read the whole book and missed the bigger picture John was getting at.

The general guidance of our class this week stemmed around the Eldridge family books, Wild at Heart and Captivating. As both books tried to get at the heart of each gender (men and women if you were confused.. insert laugh), I think the books got at something deeper without realizing it. I'd make a case that it's not just men who want adventure, but women also. I'd make a case that it's not just women who want to be swept off their feet, but men also. As I've read each book, I finish them and completely agree. But that's what gets me, I finished Captivating and thought to myself, "Yeah! That does describe me!" Then I closed the book, saw the cover, and thought, "Crap. I'm a boy. This is a girl book."

I do think there are a lot of differences between men and women, differences that aren't supposed to be pointed out and condemned, but differences that should be celebrated. With that said however, there is a lot of similarites. Both want to be loved. Loved by God and loved by humans. Maybe even a dog also. Both want adventure. I've never meet a girl/woman who has lived a content life doing nothing. Risk, fear, a vision, all concepts that are engraved into humans. To be honest, if a girl brought me flowers home randomly one day, I'd be in love. Not so much because of my love for flowers (I do like them, just there's a lot of them. It's a sensory overload), but to see that someone cares for me and loves me. I think that would be great!

Overall, I really enjoyed Monday's class and can't wait for next Monday.

No perfect equation

This week in class I was challenged to begin thinking further how gender roles are present in my daily life. It is the truth that everyday there is something that is dominated by the presence of gender role specificity. In class we analyzed the books written by the Eldredge's, Wild at Heart and Captivating. I can tell you honestly that both books are held on my family's book shelf int he family room and I have never thought deeply about this meaning until this weeks class. I feel as that these two books give me A. something to strive to become more like, a goal to work towards and B. a better understanding of what life is like for a man. But after this week I have begun to read them much critically than ever before. I have realized these books are not the depiction of every man or woman that each person has a different story and thus a different set of feelings. Not every person is going to fit the mold of what these books cast. Even though I feel as if I can relate to the books in many ways that does not mean that they are a check list of who I should become as a woman. They can be a way to gain advice or something to use as a guide but by no means a list of how to become the perfect wife-like candidate. One thing that bothers me is that people are criticizing these books very harshly and can often times push people who do fit the population that the books speak of into feeling that they are wrong. This is awful and should by no means be happening at all. We should not be telling anyone that they are wrong in the way of their feelings, who are we to do this. There will be people who fit these molds set forth by the book then those who don't. No matter which you are you do not need to persuade that other that they are wrong or that they should be on your side. Each person was made unique and in the image of God so who are we to tell them that they should be more like us. There is not a set equation that will give the answer of a perfect man or woman because it is different for each person. Thus, we should let people who fit the gender role stereotypes live in that way and for those who feel confined or constricted by them live your own way. You are free to make your own decisions and decide on your own how to live your life.

Weekly thoughts...

I've read both Captivating and Wild at Heart before, but under very different circumstances, through a very different lens and with a quite different heart. I think there are certainly elements of truth in both books - valuable points that should be thoughtfully processed. That being said, I would never base a bible study, especially a bible study for people just beginning their study of gender roles, on these books. The reason for that being that books deceivingly simplify a complex issue

I enjoyed tonight because we're finally getting to the application part of the past 10+ weeks. That being said, we threw around a lot of ideas and opinions, but didn't draw a lot of conclusions. Perhaps that was the point, but I felt unsatisfied...perhaps by my own confusion and indecisiveness. I'm looking forward to developing the ideas we tossed around tonight over these last few weeks and seeing where they may go. I've tried to start my final paper but I still don't know how to answer some of these questions...so I think I'm going to wait a little while and listen to class discussion before diving into a personal, working theology.

Different stories same author

Last week in class we heard from a few more women as they shared their stories with us. It was so interesting to see how each woman had a different story but also to see how they all related to each other at the same time. Despite their stories differences they all had the hand of God present within them. It was evident that even if they went through different struggles or places in life or held different jobs or occupations that God used and met them exactly where they were. I am absolutely amazed by the power of our God and how he is just so wonderful and intimate with each person. I am continually being blown away by the greatness of just how big our God truly is. Each woman that shared had a completely different story but each of them talked about how they began to really see the unequal opportunities based on gender after leaving their homes. Even though they traveled different distances they each saw the inequality and felt saddened by this treatment. It was interesting to me that it took leaving their own community and joining another to realize that their home community had it all wrong. But it is so true that until you leave your normal routine and the social norms of your home community you won't be able to understand that there are other ways of doing things. It wasn't until coming to college that I realized a great deal of things about my home town, and my home church that I grew up in. But just as much as you can see what your own community is doing wrong you can also see what they are doing right. I never really had a great appreciation for many things that I grew up with in my everyday life but after leaving all those things behind I have grown to appreciate them so much more whenever I get the chance to go home and enjoy them again. I hope that sometime soon in my own life I will be able to experience another culture so that I too can really get a new view of what my community is lacking and also doing well.